On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
