last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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