I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
