I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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