When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
