the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
