Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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