i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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