I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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