When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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