I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
