I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
