Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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