Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
