The best revenge is premature balding
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
