Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
