he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
