Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
