she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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