You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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