New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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