just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
