What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
