I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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