I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
