she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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