the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
