It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
