why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
