My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
