theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
