The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
