The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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