Got a toothbrush?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
