somebody snuck up and got me drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
