I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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