I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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