I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Someone signed my nipple.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
