Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
