Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
