Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
