New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
