I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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