Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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