hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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