Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs

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(240): View more from Maryland

We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer

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(770): View more from Georgia

ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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(561): View more from Florida

Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake

(1-561): View more from Florida

Who the fuck is this

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(+33): View more from France

I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."

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(207): View more from Maine

He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.

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(12): View more from

So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.

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