I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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