Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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