What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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