just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
