I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize