too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
