In the future we'll all be gay
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
