I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
