We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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