Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize