Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
