Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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