but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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