you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
