I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
