Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
