let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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