And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
