Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
