If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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