You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
