why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
