turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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