Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
