One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
