Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
