You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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