That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
