While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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