I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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