She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
