Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
