Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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