I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
love makes seman taste better
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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