So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
