fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
