All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
