Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
