Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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