if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
